Humility by David Bobb

Author:David Bobb
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2013-07-31T16:00:00+00:00

“TOO BIG FOR THE HOUSE”

Abigail knew that her husband’s work was important, but that knowledge did little to lessen the pain she felt at his frequent absences from home. In their courtship and early in their marriage, the absences were shorter and the tone of their letters often lighter. In John’s February 14, 1763, missive to Abigail, written before they were married, he looks forward to seeing her on the Sabbath: “I mount this moment for that noisy, dirty town of Boston, where Parade, Pomp, Nonsense Frippery, Folly, Foppery, Luxury, Politics, and the soul-Confounding Wrangles of the Law will give me the higher relish for Spirit, Taste and Sense, at Weymouth, next Sunday.”21 On another occasion, after they had been married but a short time, Abigail expressed her loneliness: “Alas! How many snow banks divide thee and me and my warmest wishes to see thee will not melt one of them.”22

Later, when the absences grew longer, many of Abigail’s letters to John read as if they were stained with tears. During the Revolution, when the press of duty for John sometimes meant that levity was replaced with what could sound to Abigail like lectures or perfunctory business reports, her complaints were sharp. As she wrote John in 1775,

All the letters I receive from you seem to be written in so much haste that they scarcely leave room for a social feeling. They let me know that you exist, but some of them contain scarcely six lines. I want some sentimental effusions of the heart. I am sure you are not destitute of them. Or are they all absorbed in the great public? Much is due to that, I know, but, being part of the public, I lay claim to a larger share than I have had.23

In between these early absences, when John was becoming one of the most highly regarded attorneys in the land, and later, when he was the commander in chief of the new country, John served as an ambassador, seeking the peace as well as commercial agreements between the United States and Holland, France, and Great Britain. These overseas absences were among the most painful for both John and Abigail. All three of their sons were at various points able to accompany their father overseas, but this did nothing to mitigate the pain of their parents’ separation. They could endure it only because of their shared recognition that such sacrifice on behalf of their country was worth it.

Late in 1783, with John having implored Abigail to make her way to him in The Hague, Netherlands, Abigail responded, reflecting upon how difficult it would be for her to go and how impossible it would be for her to stay. More than the danger of an ocean crossing caused her concern. “But a mere American as I am, unacquainted with the etiquette of the courts, taught to say the thing I mean, and to wear my heart in my countenance, I am sure I should make an awkward figure.” Lacking any formal education, Abigail wondered also about her social skills.

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